Street Cleaners and Sleep Cycles

  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/views.module on line 716.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_validate() should be compatible with views_handler::options_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/filter.handlers.inc on line 570.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter::options_submit() should be compatible with views_handler::options_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/filter.handlers.inc on line 570.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_many_to_one::init() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/filter.handlers.inc on line 1562.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_argument::init() should be compatible with views_handler::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/argument.handlers.inc on line 694.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/plugins.inc on line 1861.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_display::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/plugins.inc on line 1861.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_style_default::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/plugins.inc on line 3100.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_validate() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_validate(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/plugins.inc on line 3673.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_plugin_row::options_submit() should be compatible with views_plugin::options_submit(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/includes/plugins.inc on line 3673.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_node_status::operator_form() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::operator_form(&$form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/node.views.inc on line 1112.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_content::options() should be compatible with views_object::options() in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/cck/includes/content.views.inc on line 262.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_comment::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/comment.views.inc on line 480.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_username_comment::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/comment.views.inc on line 527.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_node_new_comments::pre_render() should be compatible with views_handler_field::pre_render($values) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/comment.views.inc on line 803.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_accesslog_path::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/statistics.views.inc on line 289.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_file::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/system.views.inc on line 225.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_term_node_tid::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/taxonomy.views.inc on line 933.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_upload_description::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/upload.views.inc on line 269.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_field_user::init() should be compatible with views_handler_field::init(&$view, $options) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/user.views.inc on line 414.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_user_name::value_submit() should be compatible with views_handler_filter_in_operator::value_submit($form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/user.views.inc on line 746.
  • strict warning: Declaration of views_handler_filter_user_name::value_validate() should be compatible with views_handler_filter::value_validate($form, &$form_state) in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/modules/user.views.inc on line 746.
  • strict warning: Non-static method view::load() should not be called statically in /home/nikkie/white.miceplans.net/modules/views/views.module on line 716.

It's nearly 4 in the morning, and I promised myself that I would be good today and get to bed by a decent hour, only, the street cleaner went by around 2. It was extremely loud, and I was apparently in a place in my sleep cycle where I immediately jumped up and looked out my window to find out what was making that racket. I was afraid I might have burned down the apartment, or some such. Alas, after going back to bed, the sound of the vehicle continued to echo in my head for the next hour, provoking great distress, and thus I am still awake, here to do the internet's bidding.

I lack self-discipline. This is a fact of my current self, and I feel quite bad about it. Indeed, I am constantly embarking on new and varied ways to better myself, and always falling short after a few weeks. It is disheartening, and makes me feel worthless. I have value, yes, I'm sure of it. I'm good at lots of things that others are not. Those things are not, unfortunately, very generically good at making my life follow a stable routine that fits with current society.

I am empathetic, to a fault. Such a fault, that I have been known to do extremely stupid things because I thought it was the Right Thing To Do(tm).

I am very self-conscious, and at the same time, I am very arrogant.

I have been considered by some to be very intelligent, yet, I lack any sort of natural wisdom.

I'm a calculator, an optimizer, I create solutions. Why can't I see myself solved?

In the latest and darkest hour without sleep, there is...how do I describe it? A whirlwind of thoughts, fears, hopelessness. Self-doubt. Will I ever be able to become?

Then the sun starts to rise, and with the light comes a resignation, from the resignation a quieting. Tomorrow came, yesterday is past, what now? Time marches on.

Let me remind you, the light doesn't blind you at all...it just helps you see